Day 12: Surrender To The Form

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This week in asana practice, we are focusing heavily on standing twists and deeper backbends, neither of which are my favorite kinds of postures. One wrings out your body (both figurately and literally) while the other exposes the heart, one of the most vulnerable spaces in the body, in the most pronounced way. They leave me feeling agitated, uncomfortable and emotionally exhausted.

But that’s why I must keep working on them.

These movements of the body help to dig up the struggles I suppress with my mind and force me to deal with all my inner mess rather than avoiding it and letting it fester. That might be the thing I love most about yoga — it forces me to be honest with myself and surrender to myself in the most graceful and loving ways.

Now, of course it’s uncomfortable. Twisting poses leave me nauseous while backbends leave me dizzy. It’s already a challenge to just stop thinking, “When is this going to end?!” and instead focus on what is being reopened and finding a new way to face it. But in the times that I do have this moment of connectivity and clarity, it’s truly powerful. Like leave-you-speechless-and-thinking-about-it-hours-later powerful.

This week I’m getting restless and in some moments frustrated. But I’m also realizing that’s not me feeling discontent with what I’m working on. It’s me continuing to process all the toxic baggage I inevitably brought along on this journey with me. We all do it every day whether we mean to or not. And sometimes it just takes pushing ourselves in different ways to understand what we need to do with it all.

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